Can you accept the word “no”?

Can you accept the word “no”?

•You ask your partner if they can help you with something and they say “no”

•You ask your friend if they want to hang out today and they say “no”

•You ask your child to clean up their toys and they say “no”

Do you get reactive, upset, or offended?

If you find it difficult to hear or experience that word, it might be worth exploring this within yourself. The word “no” can be paired with previous experiences of rejection, abandonment, or neglect in your past. It can also be associated for the need to control, whether that is the ability to control a person or situation.

A no could be received and interpreted as “this person is going to leave me” or “this person doesn’t value me”. It could also be interpreted as “If this person doesn’t do what I say, something bad is going to happen”. All of the above are fear-based thoughts and are typically created as a way to protect ourselves from previous painful experiences of “no’s”.

But remember a “no” is not a good or bad response. It is merely just, a response. For some, it may be used to set healthy boundaries. For some, it may be used because they don’t know what else to say. For children, it may be to the extent of the language they have to self-advocate.

Remember to ask yourself the next time you feel reactive to a no:

•How am I defining a “no”? How does the other person define a “no”?

•Am I putting my self value in a “no”?

•What am I trying to control and why?

•What is my childhood/history with a “no”?

•What have I been taught in the past when someone says “no” to me

•What is the core issue?

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